I had an argument with a relative over the issue of caring for my parent with mental illness. The quarrel was over the number of people to be invited for a gathering. I wanted a compromise and fewer people as it would be more manageable but I found out the name list got longer and longer. Naturally, I got very upset. How can we manage?

From my perspective, I have enough for each day just taking care of my parent. On top of that, I now have to help with the preparations and do all the marketing. As with past experiences, I would end up with most of the cleaning at the end of the day and will be stuck in a room with my parent to keep him calm while every one else have fun.

Whenever family members travel, I alone take care of my parent. When people ask others in the family how is it possible they can travel and leave my parent behind, my name always pops up and they are told I will be around. Most of the time, it is assumed I am free to do the task. I am not asked about my schedule and neither am I asked if I am willing to do it.

People only tell me to take care of my parent. No one asks me to take care of myself.

I am tired. I have wished a bolt of lightning would zap me away from planet earth. In the midst of this heated exchange, I was accused of being anti-social, not wanting relatives in the house and made to feel guilty and responsible if the party does not take place. It’s my fault if things don’t work out.

I have been told I am stupid for not enjoying my own life. I was told I brought all these exhaustion and responsibilities upon myself. No one is grateful or appreciative. Instead I am being foolish for doing so much. I have been trying to lighten another person’s load but ended up being unappreciated and taken for granted.

I wish I can live ‘own life’ and control my own schedule. I tell myself to hang on, there will be better days. My parent needs me now because no one else will give up time and energy.

I will go on as one parent needs me - even if my other parent ridicules me...