A teenager says her parent arranges a full week of tuition for her during her exams preparation month and when she requests for fewer days so she can self-study, she is told she will definitely fail without the tuition. When that happens, she will be fully responsible and will regret not listening to her parent. Left with little choice, she submits.

A concerned mother once told me if I do not change my schedule and see her daughter immediately, the girl will surely continue to rebel and end up in more trouble.

A friend shared this experience... He had just come home from an overseas trip and after unpacking his luggage, he procrastinated to keep them, leaving the bulky bags in the living room. A few days later, his elderly mum tripped over them in the night and got some very nasty bruises on her arms and legs.

He felt horribly guilty and for weeks blamed himself for his mother’s injuries. In this situation, the guilt and feelings of shame became a motivation for him to improve and not repeat the mistake.

Guilt can immobilise and make us feel like failures. People can play on feelings of guilt to make us submit to them or to do things against our will. However, negative feelings can also result in positive lessons like the example of my friend.

It takes me days to ‘get over’ guilt feelings and I usually overcome them only when I do an honest self-check on what happened, my role in it, thoughts and feelings and how they are affecting me. Then I decide if any action needs to take place and how I can help myself or others.

It will not be easy. But give yourself chance.